1. Thou shalt not plant too many roses
2. Thou shalt not use “inconsistent” shingles — even after a plane destroys thy house
3. Thou shalt not post a “For Sale” sign
4. Thou shalt not offer thy homeless granddaughter shelter
5. Thou must carry thy dog at all times
6. No smoking — even in thy own bathroom
7. Thou shall maintain a consistently green lawn
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